Oh, ok… Really?

As I was in the throes of planning my recent wedding I was always receiving questions about the preparations, the wedding day itself, and our future plans. But as I began to break the news that the future plans did NOT include continuing work at my current job, people became extra-inquisitive. They’d ask if we were moving or what I was going to be doing. When I explained I was going to transition to stay-at-home life, or possibly part-time work, their expression grew slightly puzzled and they would say “Oh, ok.” A moment later they’d often follow up with “Really?”  Sometimes they’d ask “Is that what YOU want to do?” –implying that perhaps I was marrying an archaic, domineering slave-driver instead of a loving husband. I would try to add the explanation that I didn’t feel I was prepared to adequately care for a home while working full-time so we wanted to scale back my other responsibilities to focus on the home after the wedding. We would then evaluate the future as it came.

Eventually they would regain their composure and slip into the traditional, politically correct response that went something like “Well that’s great. You have to do what is good for you and if you can make that work then that’s great.”

I often felt as they walked away that they thought either :

1. I was marrying someone rich
2. I clearly planned to start having children ASAP,
3. I was lazy and getting out of work, which all adults have to do and therefore I needed to grow up, or
4. I was simply young and naïve and no idea what we were getting into.

This perception I had was reinforced by the occasional comments like 

• “Oh well, you just figure it out. I worked for years with a family.”
• Or “yes, that’s a nice idea, but most folks just can’t afford that.”
• “I can’t see you doing that, you are going to be bored real quick” (indicating there’s nothing to do at home.)
• Or sometimes they would just reiterate their question.. “So like, you aren’t working at all? Just staying at home? What will you do all day?” 

I had to bite my tongue so many times. I wanted to explain what we were doing, that it was a careful, reasoned decision and while it wasn’t going to be easy to make ends meet, it looked like we could and therefore this change was the best choice to make. I am proud and don’t like people to look down on me, but it’s probably good to have your pride challenged occasionally. And since the passing exchange of polite conversation doesn’t allow a 15 minute discussion on deeply-rooted philosophies of life, I had to get over what people thought. However, it is clearly a question in many people’s minds, so I would like to take on the task of answering it more thoroughly here.  

In the coming week or two I will post a short series explaining different talking points related to my job as a housewife and why we chose it. These posts are not written to convince people they are wrong for doing things differently. It is merely meant to explain our choices based on the goals we have set and to show where we drew our philosophy from. I hope that by writing about this I can

1.  Encourage others to examine their own family goals and strive to be proactive in establishing them, not reactionary; and 
2. Simply encourage other housewives.

But for today, I will wrap this up by answering the question asked in the title:

Yes I really am. And yes, it is what I want to do. I chose it, and I’m glad I did.